My Salvation

When I was four, I thought you had to memorize John 3:16 before you could be saved.  I also thought that being baptized meant “being saved.”  I thought it was an impossible task, and I just feared death.  That’s what I really thought at 4 years old.

I used to fall asleep in church during sermons.  The way it would work is we would find a seat, the organ would play, the choir would come in and sing, everyone would sing and then greet each other, more singing, take up money, THEN as the preacher would start talking, I would lay down in the pew, put my head in my father’s lap, and not wake up until the music started again.  That was church for me as a kid, and for some people it still is. 

I was baptized in the 3^rd grade after walking the aisle during a revival at Faith Baptist Church.  My niece and brother left our pew and started down to the front during the closing invitation.  I didn’t want to be alone, so I went, too.  I was asked if I understood everything and if I took Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.  I wasn’t about to say why I really came down, so I ended up as one of many white robed baptizees a week or two later.

I regularly went to church until sometime during the 4^th grade.  My dad had stopped going for the most part, and so I started playing sick on Sunday mornings.  Mom would come in and tell me to get out of bed.  I would say I didn’t feel good.  She’d tell me to get up and dressed.  Dad would defend me and say I could stay home with him.  Then as soon as mom would go, I would feel so much better.  I would watch westerns and wrestling and sometimes dad and I would just work out in the garage fixing cars.  Okay, I would play and dad would work on cars. 

People from the church would send me little postcards saying they missed me.  Even though I wanted to, I was afraid to go back.  In Sunday School they kept an attendance chart that was covered in stars for those “faithful” children.  I was afraid of what that chart would look like after a couple years, so that fear kept me from going with mom.

I remember sometime in the 6^th grade playing war hero in the backyard.  I was unhappy with my life and I wanted God to fix it.  I remember looking up in the sky over the house and praying out loud, “God, if you’re really there, then give me a million dollars right now and make me the most powerful man in the world.”  (I know.  It hurts.)  Well, I gave God a whopping 10 seconds, and I remember praying, “I didn’t think you could do it.”  Then I did something that really hurt the whole “age of accountability” thing.  I prayed, “Satan, if you’re really there, then you give me a million dollars and make me the most powerful man in the world. " At that moment, I knew I had crossed a line.  I got this uneasy feeling in my gut, and I knew right then that if I died I would go to Hell.

For a while I struggled with my fear of going to church, but eventually we all went.  It might have been Easter.  I don’t remember the day, just that it was spring-time.  I don’t remember anything about Sunday School, the music or the sermon.  During the invitation the pastor Sandy Sandlin said, “Now draw an imaginary circle around yourself, and it’s just you and God in that circle.  Now tell God why He should let you into His Heaven.”  I didn’t have an answer.  I knew I was a sinner.  I knew I was going to Hell.  He led anyone that wanted to become a Christian in a prayer, and I prayed it with all my heart.  On that day, I was changed.  God bought me, cleansed me, and adopted me. 

I didn’t go back to church until the 7^th grade started and fortunately they didn’t still have those attendance charts up.  I looked.  The youth group was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  Craig Lile made sure that there was some kind of Bible lesson at every activity.  I learned so much.

I didn’t get baptized until after Joyce and I had started going to Scotland Baptist Church 7 or 8 years later.  Today, I know who owns me and is still transforming me into the image of His Son Jesus.  This is my story.  This is my salvation, and I am so thankful for a God that never gave up on me. 

--Johnie