Have You Ever....

I'm going way back to 1983, when I was king of the streets - on a bike that is. I had always heard the stories of how my older brother Harry had been a member of the local Hell's Angels bicycle gang as a kid. The stories were always fresh in my mind when the wind was blowing through my hair while standing high on my BMC. I was really a pretty good kid and I never broke any windows. But I remember one really bad thing about riding a bike - shoelaces. Maybe you can sympathize with me.

One particular day after it had just rained the night before, I had the pleasure of getting to ride my bike home early from school because of a dentist appointment. I would meet mom there and she would drive me. Now I was pretty close to the house on Parklane and my house was at the end of the street where it met Harbor. I was trying to think of how to best dodge getting splashed by the giant puddle in the drainage ditch that cut Parklane in half.

This is where a cold sweat of fear flushed over my body. I couldn't peddle or brake. My feet were stuck to the peddles. Both shoelaces had come unravelled and become thoroughly entwined on the peddles making my feet essentially tied down. I was sabotaged by my own poor ability of tying shoes. So I continued on down the sidewalk towards the puddle.

I say it was a puddle. It was about 9 feet wide, 5 inches deep and spanned the entire street connecting the alleys. I remember thinking, "I'm not going fast enough to make it through!" I wanted to put my foot down on the ground, but alas, my feet were glued to the peddles. As I reached the water my bike had slowed down enough so that I started to wobble. I reached down and tried to get a shoe off, but when I did I lost my balance and with a pretty big splash and a roller coaster scream, I went down. I was in the middle of the water.

That was bad, but the worst part was that I couldn't just get up. I was still tied to the bike. It took me at least a minute to get a shoe off. Even then I still couldn't get up because the other foot that was under the bike was still connected. Also, as if the fall hadn't scratched me up enough, I could feel the slow scratches I was giving myself just trying to get out from under my bike in the flooded street. I struggled for quite a while, angry and crying at the injustice and humiliation of this unbelievable series of bad luck. I cried for help, but no one was around. I kept thinking how stupid I was not to tie my shoes better. I must have looked like a flopping fish trapped in a tide pool at low tide.

I'm not really sure how long the whole thing lasted. It probably wasn't more than five minutes. But I remember a car passing by as a soggy downtrodden me pushed my bike that last hundred yards home.

My mom looked at me surprised with a "Where have you been?" But she cleaned me up and assured me that I was going to be alright. I guess we all have stories like this one. In the end I learned to not only tie my shoes, but to tuck the laces into my shoes, and eventually I learned the treasured "double-knot". But I figured I'd share for the benefit and possible amusement of anyone who might be having a bad day. I hope it cheers you up to know that it could be worse.

--Johnie